The Thing About Love: True Happiness Beyond Romantic Relationships
Recently, I went to see the doctor and was surprised that at my small age of 32 my blood pressure is high and I am borderline hypertensive. I am slightly overweight and could do better if I lost a couple of kilos, but surely that’s not enough to cause alarm, is it? Anyway since I don’t want to die or get a stroke or any of those other issues caused by lifestyle choices, I took it upon myself to make some changes.
First things first is to do away with this sedentary lifestyle, my work involves a lot of sitting on a desk with little to no exercise and so I have chosen to do a five kilometre walk four to five days a week, and it’s actually helping, I am making significant progress. As opposed to making drastic changes all at once and then falling off the wagon after a week, I choose small tweaks here and there that will ensure I remain consistent in the long run.
And so I walk and listen to Spotify in the morning and one of my favourite podcasts on the platform is What Now by comedian Trevor Noah. You should listen by the way it’s extremely good!
A friendship Revolution
In one of the episodes, he hosts a lady called Rhaina Cohen, author of the book ‘The Other Significant Others” as a guest on the podcast. This episode challenges ideas around love and friendship and society’s obsession with romantic relationships.
The world often emphasizes the importance of romantic relationships, and it’s easy to lose sight of the value of focusing on yourself. While love and companionship are beautiful aspects of life, they shouldn’t be the sole center of our existence. Instead we should consider other platonic partnerships that will be fulfilling and beneficial as well.
In this episode she relays the fact that one person is not supposed to be the end all be all, and that’s why when these relationships end, we hit rock bottom and go through severe heartbreaks that threaten to shake the core of our being. We enter depressive episodes and can barely function for some time. This is not to belittle the weight of heartbreak, it is painful, sad and extremely devastating, and often feels like rock bottom. We need to let go of this idea that we are only successful as women when we secure a life partner.
Identity and Individuality
I must admit though that I am married myself and it has been the most fulfilling journey that has forced me to grow and change so many negative aspects of myself in order to become a better person for him and for my kids. I understand how daunting it is to go through this journey earnestly hoping and wishing for a partner to do life with, especially with the constant pressure from family, society not to mention social media.
However, I have found that my greatest strength lies in my individuality, the things that make me truly who I am. It’s in the friends that have walked this journey and seen so many versions of me and have chosen to love me unconditionally through each and every version.
It’s in the deep conversations with my sisters whom I consider my true soul mates as we have walked similar yet very different paths and have experienced so many aspects of life together. It’s in knowing that even if this whole marriage business didn’t work out or doesn’t work out that in the words of J.K Rowling rock bottom can become the solid foundation on which you rebuild your life.
Self-Love & Self-Care
At Femcity, we believe in the power of self-care, personal growth, and finding happiness within ourselves. Here’s why focusing on yourself can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life.
1. Discover Your True Self
When you prioritize yourself, you embark on a journey of self-discovery. This process involves understanding your passions, strengths, and aspirations. Instead of defining yourself through the lens of a romantic relationship, you begin to see yourself as an independent individual with unique qualities and potential. This self-awareness is the foundation of personal growth and true happiness.
Tips for Self-Discovery:
- Journaling: Write about your thoughts, dreams, and experiences to gain deeper insights into your inner world.
- Exploring Hobbies: Try new activities and hobbies to uncover what truly excites and motivates you.
- Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness and meditation to stay connected with your thoughts and emotions.
2. Build Unshakeable Confidence
When you focus on self-improvement and achieving your goals, you build a sense of confidence that doesn’t rely on external validation. This confidence comes from knowing your worth and believing in your abilities. It empowers you to face challenges head-on and pursue your dreams with determination.
Ways to Boost Confidence:
- Set Goals: Establish clear, achievable goals and work towards them. Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small.
- Self-Care Routine: Develop a self-care routine that makes you feel good about yourself, whether it’s skincare, exercise, or indulging in your favorite activities.
- Positive Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to reinforce your self-worth and boost your self-esteem.
3. Cultivate Meaningful Relationships
Focusing on yourself doesn’t mean isolating yourself from others. On the contrary, it allows you to build deeper and more meaningful relationships. When you know and love yourself, you attract people who appreciate you for who you are. These relationships are based on mutual respect, understanding, and genuine connection.
Building Meaningful Connections:
- Quality Over Quantity: Focus on nurturing a few close relationships rather than spreading yourself thin with many superficial ones.
- Authenticity: Be authentic in your interactions, showing your true self and encouraging others to do the same.
- Support Network: Surround yourself with people who support your growth and happiness.
4. Achieve Personal and Professional Growth
When you invest time and energy in yourself, you open doors to new opportunities for personal and professional growth. Whether it’s advancing in your career, pursuing higher education, or developing new skills, focusing on yourself helps you achieve your full potential.
Steps for Growth:
- Continuous Learning: Embrace a mindset of continuous learning and self-improvement.
- Professional Development: Seek out opportunities for professional development, such as workshops, courses, and networking events.
- Personal Projects: Dedicate time to personal projects and passions that bring you joy and fulfillment.
5. Experience True Happiness
Ultimately, focusing on yourself leads to a state of true happiness. This happiness is not dependent on external circumstances or the presence of a romantic partner. Instead, it stems from within, rooted in self-love, confidence, and a sense of purpose. When you find happiness within yourself, you radiate positivity and attract even more joy into your life.
Finding Inner Happiness:
- Gratitude Practice: Cultivate gratitude by regularly reflecting on the positive aspects of your life.
- Emotional Well-being: Prioritize your emotional well-being by seeking support when needed and practicing self-compassion.
- Balanced Life: Strive for a balanced life where your needs, passions, and goals are given importance.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I call on you to embrace the journey of self-discovery and personal growth. By focusing on yourself, you create a foundation of happiness and fulfillment that enriches every aspect of your life. Remember, you are the most important person in your life’s story. Embrace your individuality, invest in your growth, and watch as your life transforms in beautiful and unexpected ways.
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